| good day |
[10 Dec 2002|12:13pm] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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music |
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mean girl :: unwritten law |
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well yesterday i went to visit sharon (my friend from work) and she thinks mike is hott, hehe i think it's cute but anyfayz. she said that her b/f has this friend and she thinks he is like totally hott, and i guess he likes to wear the big hot topic pants and the fishnet shirts and shirts that onlky go as low as his belt so when he stretches you can see his tummy. And i have always wanted a hott guy that dresses like that omg!!
so she said that she is gonna put in a good word for me and say somethin like so my friend stacia....hehe. and we finally get to work together tomorrow, and she is gonna try to get him to visit up at our work so i can see if i think he is hott or not. i am very excited. but i still dont know what to do about terry.
terry is comin over today to watch harry potter and he told me to invite tiffa and anthony over, and i am gonna feel weird b/c they are both goin out and i am gonna be sittin there like ok whatever. this sucks. oh well whatever, i cant wait til tomorrow.
and today in math we had a hard test today. and the stuff that i cannot get along with everybody else not gettin it, well i just wizzed right through that part of the test. i am gettin smart in math again yay!! hehe, i am happy but i have to go, ttylatrz monkeygatorz....
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| ok |
[09 Dec 2002|12:28pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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thjis one song by Sugar cult |
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ok well i went to the party it was so funny. lets see i made out with Brandy, Steve, and Stevo. Tiffa had to makeout with my sister, stevo madeout with Jessica, and just everybody madout with everybody. it was ok.
saturday i had to work. Sunday i slpet in, then i was lookin for my bra half naked and then mike calls me so he was like what r u doin, and i said that i couldnt find my bra then when i did i told him to hangon so i could put my shirt on it was so funny. then i hungout with sparky (aka curbey hehe dont ask) and mike we went to little caesers to give amanda balloons for her b-day and i swear mike and sparky started an obssession with scrotums.
then later terry came over after they dropped me off and we hungout with adrian and we ate at subway and i was sopping italian dressing all over my shirt but it was ymmy. then later i dropped them off went back to adrians and she showed me this converstation that she had with terry. i guess he said that he is starting to like me again but we need to hangout a lil more. and he said that he doesnt think that i still like him which is totally not true but yea. i still like him a shit load of a lot but if he ever did ask me back out i dunno what i would say i mean i would prolly say yes without thinking but i am just scared to get hurt again. but that would be cool if i had a b/f for christmas i have never had one before.
and yesterday adrian gave me this s/n of this hott guy named Brad, i guees he lives in ohio. but we were talkin and he seems really nice and we agreed that it would be cool if we lived closer to eachother b/c we both wanna meet each other. he is really nice and i saw a pic and he is hott!! you can ask jenny or adrian they will tell ya. but yea i am gonna go i dont really have anything else to write.
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| Sick n Tired |
[06 Dec 2002|12:27pm] |
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mood |
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headache |
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music |
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people equal shit:: Slipknot |
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ok here i go. adrian went off on me b/c i forgot that amanda's party was a surprise b/c all i knew was that amanda didnt want a party but they were throwing her one anywayz. so i asked what time the party was and then she said what party. so i said oh dont listen to me i am confuzzled. b/c i forgot that she had no idea about it. so laterbefore this hour adrian goes off on me and she bites my head off. and i tried tellin her that i was sorry b/c i forgot and that ppl make mistakes. and she wasnt listening to me so i started cussin her out and yellin at her and i said that ppl fuckin make mistakes and forget things. so she fuckin walked away....well guess who aint goin to the party..me.
sorry adrian but you remember yesterday when you 'FORGOT' that we were suppose to hangout well, ever since you have been goin out with steve agan you have forgotten our plans the once a week we have them but do u see me yellin at you for makin this mistake OVER AND OVER AGAIN! thatz what i thought. quit bein a fuckin bitch and look in the fuckin mirror. and i hope you see this too, b/c i am tired of it. you can be pissed at me and i put up with it but the second i get pissed at you you either cry or walk away. tell you what, i will talk to you when you decide to grow the fuck up.
yea and i have already have had a miserable day b/c i am really sick right now and i had a splitting headache which just got worse b/c of that shit. so yea, jenny i miss you soo much you are the only BF that i can have where we dont have fights for stupid shit. and u understand and if you did wanna yell at me you would have seen my face and asked if i was alright first.
ya know at least i talk to ppl about why they did it before i decide to go off on them. but FUCK IT! if ppl wanna be assholes fine. jenny it will be a long day of talkin to you, b/c i rather talk to you on a bring comp all day then to be bitched out by ppl when i dont even deserve it.
but anywayz i amhappy, b/c i have you jenny. love everybody. laterz monkeygaotrz.
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| sick...again |
[05 Dec 2002|12:20pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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music |
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"bouncin of the walls again" : Sugarcult |
] |
yesterdasy was soooooo fun. me and tiffa walked up to Rally's from my house and it was so fun, even though we froze our asses off, and now i am sick we also ate outside and everything it was so great! but now i am sick and it's ok b/c i think it is funny.
Ok i am really confused about Daryl, sometimes i think he likes me but most of the time i dont. Oh well i have a couple ppl tryin to hook me up with other ppl so, i guess i have to try to get over him, even though he is sooo cute.
but i have to go before i get in twouble. laterz monkeygatorz. jenny when we are 18 we are so outta here. letz move to utah or somethin, lol. sorry i am retarded.
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| just to let you know.... |
[03 Dec 2002|12:24pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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ummmm i dunno :: unwritten law |
] |
i am just tellin you that nick carter is the hootest man alive, wel not the hottest but close enough and that is why i have that cute picture of him. jenny i love you and i am having another happy day, no reason just happy i guess.
man it's freezing today. yesterday i walked over my friend's house and it was snowing but my face was the only thing that was cold, and besides i like walkind in the cold. i am cold right now but thatz b/c my class has the air on. but it's all good. yea but my fried's mom wouldnt let me walk home b/c she's mean, and wasnt even snowing anymore. oh well.
i missez my jenny. u gotta call me sometime babe, gimme directions to your house and if it isnt slippery sometime i will see if i can borrow my mommy's car and come and visit. or u need to find a way out here and stay the weekend or somethin. i missez you, and i lovez you.
but yeah i am gonna go for now b/c class and teachers are evil and dont want us on the internet .... can you believe that shit, teachers dont want us to have fun...jeez! later monkeygatOrz. (see the O sara, yea!)
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| better |
[02 Dec 2002|12:40pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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pretty girl: by sugarcult |
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well i am feeling better i think i am done with my great dpression. it's kinda wired you r friends that u hate at the moment tell you the best advice that makes you feel better. i am not mad at jason or tffa anymore.
thank you jason for talkin to me and makin me feel better.
the only thing is that i cant stand lookin at daryl b/c everytime i see him i just get upset b/c i know he dont like me at all. he told me to shut up today too. it would be easier if he wasnt so damn cute!!
but anyfayz...i am happy b/c i gotz friedns again but i am gonna go i will write more later, b/c teachers suck!
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| Tiffa.... |
[30 Nov 2002|12:01am] |
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mood |
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 jealous |
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music |
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"seein red" by unwritten law |
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well i am totally tired of this bullshit. i always find myself jealous of Tiffa. i cant stand this anymore. everybody loves her so much. and i cant help but be mad at her, i mean she never wants to hangout with me even though she claims she misses me but u know i havent been anywhere. she plays mind games with all these guyz and they all like her but she is goin out with anthony for the 3rd time and i know she is just gonna hurt him again.
i dunno i am just so jealous of her and everytime i try to talk to her she just makes me so sad b/c i tell her how i always think that the guy taht i like flirts with me and she just keeps talkin about how she always flirts with him and how he usually does it back. i know she doesnt notice it but it hurts me.
and she always says that she is very busy that she cant hangout with me but i always hear how she always hangs out with eveyrbody and she doesnt even consider to invite me to hangout too, and she becomes friends the first second she meets these ppl when i have tried my whole high school carrer to fit in. i dont get it and i cant stand how i feel this jealous.
thatz is the main thing that is bothering me all the other stuff is little. i dont wanna talk about it right now though. jenny i would give anything to be in your shoes away from everything here. i wish i could just move away from here. at least you have ppl that wanna hangout wiht you still, everybody is too busy with their own live and b/f and shit. except for some ppl but thatz it. well i am gettin too upset to write more, so hasta la pasta til later monkeygatorz.
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| Tiffa.... |
[29 Nov 2002|11:56pm] |
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mood |
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jealous |
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well i am totally tired of this bullshit. i always find myself jealous of Tiffa. i cant stand this anymore. everybody loves her so much. and i cant help but be mad at her, i mean she never wants to hangout with me even though she claims she misses me but u know i havent been anywhere. she plays mind games with all these guyz and they all like her but she is goin out with anthony for the 3rd time and i know she is just gonna hurt him again.
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| lonely... |
[28 Nov 2002|04:19pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
] |
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music |
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'everybody' by: lifehouse |
] |
well i am officially totally lonely. everybody that i hagnout with now all have b/f and now they are all happy and i havent cried yet b/c i am hiding my tears, but i am about to go for a walk and cry the whole time. i have a feeling that i am gonna be spending a lot more time with myself.
let's see:
Amanda- she is goin back out with matt so i can imagine how happy she is
Tiffa- goin back out with Anthony so i know she is very happy.
Brandy- is so in love with her b/f it isnt even funny.
Carrie- she has Joey so i know she is very happy since she is like madly in love with him.
Adrian- is very happy with steve and is always with him.
so yea everybody i mostly hangout with has somebody. and Sara never seems to wanna hangout anymore, and Jenny well there is a problem, she kinda lives a lil far from here. but yeah, happy turkey day everybody. laterz.
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| i was happy |
[27 Nov 2002|11:10pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
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music |
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simon: Lifehouse |
] |
i was happy earlier b/c for some reason i got all excited b/c Daryl called me a dork and i said i know and he just laughed his adorable laugh. and then i talked to tiffa about it and she justwent on about how she flirts with everyobdy. i am so stressed i find myself getting so jealous of tiffa. i mean eveerybody loves her and i just cant stand it. she plays mind games with these guyz and now they liek her and she is goin out with Anthi=ony again for the third tiem and i know she is just gonna hurt him again.
that and i am slowly losing all my friends b/c i am being such a bitch and i am not sure why. i am getting so irritated with everybody. it isnt pms wither. and every time i try to talk to somebody it just seems like all they talk about it their g/f or b/f....well REALITY CHECK!.......i dont give a fuck..
and i do enjoy talkin to ppl about their problems when i feel like i can help them, and i only feel happy when i am not talkin to ppl, unless it is jenny. jenny is the only person that truly really understands me b/c we have been through pretty much the same shit. jenny i love you we will always be 'sistas 4 lyph' thanx for bein there when i needed somebody to talk to.
well i guess that is it for now b-4 i get too carried away ans start talkin about everything else. laterz monkeygatorz.
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| lalala |
[12 Nov 2002|12:44pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Unwritten Law- every song on the cd |
] |
hey all, i am in computer class right now, and bored outta my mind. i got a paycheck yesterday at work it was my bonus for $124 and i am spendin it all dude!
i guess joey wants to go to the play on thurs instead of saturday and he wants me to pick him up or somethin. i dunno that boy confuses me man. i guess him and carrie are gettin close again, i just dont know.
i was mad at adrian earlier for ignoring me over lyndsey but i aint mad anymore. i dont care.
eerybody is tellin me that i should go out with anthony but i have no feelings for him like that. but oh well life sucks then you become a monkey right?
seriously i miss jenny i knew nothin would be the same when she left and now it isnt. if she were here i would always have somebody to talk to who wouldnt ignore me, and i love her we hangout and do nothin but laugh and usually overr the stupidest things, man i miss you jenny.
but i am gonna go for now, laterz monkeygatorz. cash and cds man!!! hellz yeah.
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| Help! |
[11 Nov 2002|12:44pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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in the middle : jimmy eat world |
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well i saw joey yesterday and it has been forever since i have seen him. it wasnt even planned we just bumped into each otehr at pizza hut. i guess i have been kinda avoiding him lately b/c i am tryin to lose my feelings for him and i think it is workin which is good b/c carrie is like totally in love with him.
Bob i think is just gonna be a friend but sometimes i think he likes me even though most of the time i think he doesnt. it is just confusing.
i guess steve wants to try to hook me up with some kid in one of his classes. but i dont even care. i dont need a guy fuck it.
i really miss my jenny, and i wanna see her asap!!! i am getting closer with brandy again but i am losiong adrian b/c she is always with steve. but whatever. i just miss when everything was perfect and i miss when jenny used to live here. i feel so lonely now i dont know why. oh well, i will be happier when i get outta this stupid school.
i just am gonna read and take my mind off of it all. laterz monkeygatorz.
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| wutz up |
[01 Nov 2002|12:32pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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"something i can never have" - Nine Inch Nails |
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hey i am sorry i havent been on in awhile i have been so busy and i am still grounded from the computer so the only chance i get to go on is at school or if i am at one of my peoplez houses.i miss my jenny, i havent talked to her in like 2 weeks. i hope she is ok, i will read her journal after i write this.
i am tryin to get over joey he dont like me at all anymore i dont think. i like somebody else i am not using his real name yet, so i call him Bob. i like him a lot even though i have no chance but that is ok i guess.
I have been workin a lot lately like 25 hours a week at least, i just got my check yesterday and it was for like 180 bucks and that is a lot to me. hopefully i can keep my job but i guess we will find out either today or tomorrow.
I guess tiffa and her boyfriend boke up and she seems all right about it. I am kinda glad they did b/c tiffa barely talks to me or hangs out with me when she has a boyfriend but i still want her to be happy.
well i guess that is it for now. i will try to write in this more often.laterz monkeygatorz.
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| i dunno what to do anymore |
[03 Oct 2002|02:01pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Falling Apart: Trust Company |
] |
Well all my friends are upset about so many different things, and i worry about all of them. i just wish i could say one thing to them and they will all know that things will look up. but i guess i really cant help them if i cant even help myself.
And now i haev more things cluttering up my head, like my grandpa if you wanna read about that then read my diary at www.freeopendiary.com my name is Kapacia. But i have my friends, my grandpa, my sister, me. i dunno what to do anymore.
and to top that off i like 2 guyz, one is joey but i am tryin slowly to get over him b/c carrie still likes him and i dont wanna bother that, and the other person is terry. i miss him so much, and he called the other night and i told him that i wanted to get high and have sex. and i dont do drugs and i am against the facrt taht most ppl do it to escape. but now i am so unsure about everything that i am turning into something that i dont wanna be. And terry didnt say anything about the sex part but he said that i am not aloud to get high with anybody else except him and he wouldnt tell me why, if anybody knows what thta means then please tell me.
and i am reading my book then i usually do, which is usually bad, i mean i am getting shaky if i dont even have it near me at all times. HC is comin up and i dont even know if i am even gonna go anymore.
I am so upset, i dont even know what i want anymore. I mean see if this makes any sense i like 2 guys and one takes my mind off the other one and the other one takes my mind off that one. i cant win. i think i am gonna start goin after terry again and i cant control it. but i am so helpless right now, i am gonna go, i will try to write more later.
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| lalala |
[30 Sep 2002|12:51pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
] |
well me and carrie are friends again, and i give up on guyz b/c they do nothing but fuck with your mind.
And as i was watchin a tv show with my sister i realized that i want to live in a fantasy world, b/c in the end they always end up happy. But for now i am just giving up on guyz. I mean i thik i kinda have a crush on this guy but i cant say who it is (Laura if you read this then you know him, but u dont have an idea who i like so yeah)But yeah i am glad that me and carrie are friends again b/c we should never fight over a guy. But yeah, i will write more later, b/c the bell is gonna ring so yeah.
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| HeeHee |
[27 Sep 2002|01:17pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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The Middle: Jimmy Eat World |
] |
well i worked my ass off but not as hard as Sara. I'm happy b/c well i am not sure if Joey still likes me b/c i think he is trying to lose interest or just doesnt like me as much as he used to. But the conversation that we had the other night just made me happy and i am hoping that it's a hint that he still likes me, hehe.. I like him a lot.
Homecoming is next saturday, i dont wanna go b/c i wanna dance with Joey but i dont wanna go near him when carrie is gonna be there. But oh well i will just have to wait and see if he is willing to come up to me and ask for a dance. Which i hope he does.
But yeah i love all my friends. I honestly wouldnt know what i would do without them. And especially Jenny, she understands me better than i understand myself and she is the bestest friend i have ever had. And i love you more then anything in this world, and dont ever forget about our promise. hehe.
But i am happy b/c i just realized how special i am b/c of all the good friends i have like Jenny, Tiffa, Sara, Adrian, Brandy, Amanda, Terry, Stevo, Jen, Jenny, Michele, Becky, and just everybody... i love you all so much. But i have to go, i will write more, i am just way to exhausted and happy to be sitting here typing. LOve you byez.
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| I just dont know anymore |
[26 Sep 2002|06:33am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Drop to Zero: Trust Company |
] |
Well i told Carrie that i like Joey and i will show you the convo later. But I think Joey is blaming the thing on himself and it has nothin to do with him, i mean it is my fault that i let my feelings take the best of me.
I think he is trying to lose interest in me, i dont think he likes me. I mean i miss him tellin me that he missez me and i miss him tellin me that i am cute and sayin how he thinks of me whenever he plays with my balls. This really sucks.
Yeah i alos met up with Terry the other day and of course he was treating me like a dickhead along with my sister who was being a lil bitch. But hey it's ok, and i walked home in tears, but whatever. Yeah i found out that i still have feelings for him but fuck him, he is so mean to me.
But back to Joey, i keep sayin that there is somebody that finally got my mind off of Terry and i dont wanna let go him. Well now i wanna let go b/c he dont like me anymore, but something inside of me is tellin me not to let go and just keep hangin on and try. But i just don't know anymore.
I dont think i am gonna let go, but i dont know i wish i knew how he felt. I remember that a couple of weeks ago i told him that he was one of the best things that has happened to me in awhile and i told him that i wasnt about to let go of that and he said somethin like "and i'm not about to let you" I just like him a lot, and yeah.
And all my friends are having their own problems like Jenny i love you just hang in there, just remember men arent worth the trouble and you have 2 reasons to live at least me and jason. we are always here for ya.
And as far as Joey goes i just hope he still likes me and we can just be friends for now. But i still dont know.
here is the convo me and Carrie had:
PetiteAngeSombre: can i ask you something and trust you to not get pissed off but just answer
HyPerAcTFrEaK: i guess
PetiteAngeSombre: why do you always try to make yourself out to be the victim
HyPerAcTFrEaK: what do you mean
PetiteAngeSombre: like, im the one who was extremely hurt by you breaking a promise with me, but you made it out like you were the one hurting because everyone hates you
HyPerAcTFrEaK: i dunno what you are talkin about, and i dont ever making a promise and i tried harder than u can imagine to not like him, but i cant comtro; how i feel, and i am sorry for what i did, and i dont want anybody to feel bad i just want them all to stop talkin to me so i dont betray anybody anymore
PetiteAngeSombre: you promised me that you liked him as nothing more than a friend... and there you go making yourself the victim again
PetiteAngeSombre: oh, poor me, no one should talk to me
PetiteAngeSombre: thats playing victim
PetiteAngeSombre: i hate to say it, and it sounds mean, but you need to grow up
HyPerAcTFrEaK: well i am not fuckin tryin to i am tryin to piss everybody off so they stop fucckin talkin to me
PetiteAngeSombre: well thats not the way to go about fixing shit
PetiteAngeSombre: thats being immature and irresponsible
HyPerAcTFrEaK: oh well
PetiteAngeSombre: why is it always your best friends guy you go after
PetiteAngeSombre: with all the guys that like you, i would think you could back off
HyPerAcTFrEaK: i didnt try to go after him
PetiteAngeSombre: bullshit
PetiteAngeSombre: i was gonna just drop him off, but then i asked him to teach me how to dance, even though i was tired and wanted to go to bed
HyPerAcTFrEaK: i never asked him to teach me how to dance
HyPerAcTFrEaK: he wanted to show me some of his dance videos
PetiteAngeSombre: i know
PetiteAngeSombre: i talked to him
PetiteAngeSombre: on the phone
PetiteAngeSombre: around midnight
PetiteAngeSombre: because i was really pissed, but not at him
PetiteAngeSombre: at you
PetiteAngeSombre: this is guy #4 youve wanted that was one of your 'best' friends guys or exs
PetiteAngeSombre: remember mike
PetiteAngeSombre: yeah, you got him, then lost interest
PetiteAngeSombre: i think you just like to see if you can do it
PetiteAngeSombre: that the guy means nothing to you
HyPerAcTFrEaK: whatever
PetiteAngeSombre: no, not whatever
PetiteAngeSombre: im still pissed
PetiteAngeSombre: you need to learn to take resposibility for your actions
PetiteAngeSombre: at least he feels bad
PetiteAngeSombre: you dont feel period
HyPerAcTFrEaK: whatever
PetiteAngeSombre: you know what, fuck you, dont talk to me til you grow up
HyPerAcTFrEaK: you imed me first
HyPerAcTFrEaK: i forgot how
PetiteAngeSombre: then dont talk to me ever again, i dont need 'friends' like you that are slef centered prep wanna bes
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| i'm happy |
[12 Sep 2002|04:37am] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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American Psycho: Treble Charger |
] |
Well i am sorry i havent written in awhile. i am kinda frustrated b/c i like a person who my friend likes too, and she is how i met him. And i sprained my ankle the other day and he came over to keep me company. And he has been visiting me every day that he can, and he makes me soo happy and he is such a sweetheart. I just feel bad b/c my friend is like in love with him and i dont want her to hate me ya know. But he makes me happy. Everytime i talk to him i can't help but smile. He is soooooo cute too. and get this.. he is taller than me too. But yea i have lotz of homework that i am probably not gonna do but i am gonna go anyfayz. Laterz.
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| cant sleep |
[03 Sep 2002|09:13am] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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30 seconds to mars: capricorn |
] |
I am so messed up it's not even funny. I didnt get any sleep last night maybe 3 hours. And tonight it's gonna be the same. I cant sleep anymore, it's just not right. Oh well, i guess tiffa knows i am mad at her but i dont even care anymore. She is just gonna keep blowing me off anywayz. I might get a job at a store called the party somethin i forgot, but it's right by the mall, and i will work a nice 18 hours a week, and yeah i might get to work with sara which will be awesome. But i am so slaphappy right now b/c i didnt get any sleep. so i am gonna go i will write more later.
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| I hate my parents |
[02 Sep 2002|09:51am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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Trust Company: Slipping Away |
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ok i hungout with Adrian (who i nicknamed Onton Pennies, dont ask), Carrie, and mike who i am no longer suppose to hangout with which is one reason i am hating my parents right now, and then they made me come home early for no fuckin reason. I cant believe this fucking shit. but yeah. I did have fun, and jenny made me feel better b/c she wrote that poem and i feel loved. But i am also kinda pissed at tiffa b/c we were suppose to hangout sometime this weekend and she never fuckin called me, so i will remember that next time you wanna hangout with me tiffa.I'm just tired of doing people favors and then they blow up in my face. And i am always gonna be bothered at the fact that i'm not aloud to hangout with one of my Good frineds b/c i love him ta death and my mom used to too. But fuck it they may think they can tell me who i can thangout with but that dont mean i am gonna listen. And i am always bothered when my friends all have boyfriends and i got noone. it really bothers me when they complain about how they havent seen them today yet, it just pisses me off, and i really hate it when they always nonstop blow me off for their b/f's too. And it also bothers me when some of my friends (not saying any names) say that they are aways too busy to hangout with me and then i see that they are always hangin out with my other friends (who always blow me off) instead.. I was also talki to mike today about how i have seriosly been thinkin about runnin away or even killing myself b/c i am always wonderin why i am here if everybody fuckin hates me. But i have jenny and saralyn and adrian and people like that so yeah. But i am gonna go now b/c my wrist hurts. so i will talk to ya later.
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imaloser1's journal